I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
