Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
