My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
