So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
