They should really pass out barf bags in church
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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