Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
