You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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