I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
