Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
