I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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