i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
