what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
