i just had sex bonerless
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
