Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
