I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize