every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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