My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
