bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
