All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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