Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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