You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
