I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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