True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
