I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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