mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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