i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
