my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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