So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
