Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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