he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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