guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
