I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
