does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
