.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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