Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
