evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
