We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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