Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
