I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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