We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
