he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
