At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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