rhymes with "ouble enetration"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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