While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
