I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
