Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My dick has a subreddit
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
