Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
