So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
