Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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