On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
