He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
