Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
