you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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