Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
