Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
