hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
