dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
