What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
