If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
