We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
