He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
