She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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