Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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