don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize