it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
