think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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