i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
