Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
