before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
