You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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