last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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