How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
