I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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