would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
